It has been a while since the last time I wrote something here. Been busy with "donkey work" (term invented by Kak N***** to describe the tedious work of transcribing and translating interviews). It is tedious. Wish could employ someone to do it. Been a little moody. Heck... I am always not in my best mood.
I don't know. I need space. All I need to overcome my grief is time and space. Space does not mean literally I need a bigger space. Just I need a "space", a little peace of mind... whereby I don't need people to ask me about my well being. Stop asking me the same thing again and again. Just watch me closely to know if I am okay or not.
If I am keeping things to myself, it could be due to many things unrelated to others. Just be open minded and not too judgmental. Just had a chat with Kak N***** and told her that I find myself very hard to express my feeling lately. It is not that I don't want to share my feeling with others but somehow, from experience I feel that I want to be selective this time.
Told her about my mom. It is really worrying. One thing after another. How am I going to face it? The only thing I can do now is pray that things will be better for my mom. I am far away from her. Even though her condition could be terminal without medication, I pray that she will be cured from that. If Mak Hai can be cured, she also can even though she is older than Mak Hai.
In this state of choleric melancholic, I will enjoy the moment. Enjoy the feeling of being hopeless.... as long as I am still aware of my well being ... I am okay...
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