Had a chat with my nephew today, then I found out something about my dad.
Nephew: asal appeared offline?
Me: saja, tak boleh ke. tgh buat transcribing...
Nephew: paktok kena jahit ari tu tau tak?
Me: WHAT???? jahit kat mana
Nephew: kt kepala la. tgh jln jatuh
Me: bila
Nephew: last week. paklim blk. mak ckp paktok menangis bile paklim nk balik. paklim baca quran, die duk kat kaki paktok. pastu paktok rase sedih la kot. paktok sedih sebab dpt dgr anak die baca quran. ari jumaat ari tu baru buka jaahit
Me: i c. jatuh kat mana. kat toilet ke? kepala dia kena bowl tandas tu ke
Nephew: tak tau la. tapi ambulan siap dtg
Me: dia pitam ke
Nephew: tersadung kot. mak ckp skrg ni tido bertiga dalam satu bilik. mak, maktok ngan paktok
I was transcribing when I chatted with my nephew. The incident? Nearly two weeks ago. The stitches have been removed last Friday. When things like this happened, when I heard about it way too long after everybody knew about it, really breaks my heart.
I am feeling numb. I am sad. What can I do about it? To let the fact to sink in? Not an easy job. Ya Allah, hanya padaMu sahaja aku menyerah dan memohon agak diberikan kekuatan untuk menghadapi cabaranMu ini
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Virus oh virus ...
My lappie detected malicious virus when I was surfing the internet. I felt as if my heart stopped to beat for few seconds.... Alhamdulillah, it is nothing.
So, back to work of transcribing and no more surfing the net for today unless I finish my transcribing (2nd interview) today.
*I think I have some self-discipline issue lately...
So, back to work of transcribing and no more surfing the net for today unless I finish my transcribing (2nd interview) today.
*I think I have some self-discipline issue lately...
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Penjodohan suci..... LOL
Penjodohan suci. What can I say? Surprise? Shocked? Speechless?
LOL!!!
A****** asked me about the characteristics of my dream guy. Where is the list? DARN! The thing is, I don't have any sort of specific characteristics other than he must be a Muslim, practice what he knows religiously and has the effort to improve his understanding of Islam throughout his life, not abusive (physical, emotional and mental), love me, and knows his roles and responsibilities towards Islam and his family.
Physical characteristics? Well, I can't be demanding. After all, I am not good looking myself.
Intellectual aspect? He has a similar wavelength with me and not MCP.
I used to have other characteristics like he knows how to cook blah... blah... blah... well, now, I think that it does not matter much. What's the point of having me who can cook pretty well as a wife then? Ok. I know, it is a bit "perasan" kind of statement.
The thing is, I don't know what to expect from a guy. Really. As I don't want any of them to expect anything from me. Accept me as I am. That's the only thing I hope for now. Cheers!
LOL!!!
A****** asked me about the characteristics of my dream guy. Where is the list? DARN! The thing is, I don't have any sort of specific characteristics other than he must be a Muslim, practice what he knows religiously and has the effort to improve his understanding of Islam throughout his life, not abusive (physical, emotional and mental), love me, and knows his roles and responsibilities towards Islam and his family.
Physical characteristics? Well, I can't be demanding. After all, I am not good looking myself.
Intellectual aspect? He has a similar wavelength with me and not MCP.
I used to have other characteristics like he knows how to cook blah... blah... blah... well, now, I think that it does not matter much. What's the point of having me who can cook pretty well as a wife then? Ok. I know, it is a bit "perasan" kind of statement.
The thing is, I don't know what to expect from a guy. Really. As I don't want any of them to expect anything from me. Accept me as I am. That's the only thing I hope for now. Cheers!
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Alone and lonely... errmmm it is a choice... really...
A*** and A****** went to town around noon. They wanted me to join them. A****** found me asleep or catch a nap before zuhr. This summer, I think I don't have enough "beauty" sleep. Stay up until 12am (roughly for Isya') and wake up again around 3am for subuh. I don't stay up until subuh. Why? I just can't hold my eyes. Tried it once when I have my jet lag. Now, my biological clock has switched to UK time. Even though I sleep after I pray subh, yet at 6am, without fail, my eyes will wide open. Arghh... I am such a morning person.
So, here I am. I am alone in the house. Do I feel lonely? Surprisingly, I don't. First, I am reading this book by Martin Seligman, entitled Learned Optimism. A good book! It is related to his theory of learned helplessness. So, my mind is pretty occupied with the theory and whatnot.
Secondly, I took a break from my reading to check my FB. Saw my old roommate posted a message for me. Replied her message. Told her about the book. She seems surprise when I told her that reading the book is the way I de-stress myself. Huh?... I am getting used of reading academic related books even when I am relaxing. Yikes!!! Yeah. To some people, they might say, "Get a life!". Well, I choose that this is the life that I want to live for the time being. Like Yed said, read books! I am doing it, Yed.
Thirdly, the state of being alone has nothing to do with a state of feeling lonely. I do feel that sometime I feel lonely even though there are people around me. A kind of weird, huh? My state of feeling lonely has nothing to do with physical contact that I have with people around me. Sometime physical state does not "tell" the whole story.
The end.
*************************************************************************************
Today, my niece got engaged. Last May, her bro got married. Alhamdulillah, I am blessed with a mom who does not ask anything about the current state of my love life. Errmm... thinking back, when I was in Malaysia, I am pretty busy going places and meeting all sorts of people while doing my data collection. I never think that I will meet someone special at that time. The thing is, I don't. (I know, some of you silent readers might say, "What a shame!).
Even though, some of my relatives passed some unkind remarks about me being single and having my nephew to get married before me and whatnot, yet I find myself being less "expressive". What do I reply? I just smile. Hey, what more can I say? "Belum jodoh lagi", "Tak ada jumpa lagi orang yang sesuai".... arghh.... that are typical answers. Do I have to use such taglines? I choose not to use it. So, I just smile.
Met my best friends couples of times while in KL. At one time, the big bro was in Malaysia. She asked me if I still have feeling towards her big bro. Huh? Do I? What do you call if the person has no feeling what so ever? Now, my feeling towards him is neutral. No liking. No hates. Nothing. Errm... psychologically, can we have such feeling? Neutral feeling?
Thinking back, when it comes to friendship, we have such feeling towards our friends. We don't like or dislike them. Just the feeling of care, love or hate is not there. Regardless the time we might spend together for a long period of time might still lead to this feeling. Surprising? Errm... well, again there is nothing to be surprised about. So what should we do about it? Well, it is a matter of choice. We choose not to have whatever feeling towards others. We choose ourselves to feel lonely or not. People might say that we can't control our feeling. Is that so? Errmm... well, if we say so, then it is. Again, this is a choice.
I remember this saying from my coach.
Hidup ini banyak pilihan
Setiap pilihan kita yang punya
Membuat pilihan ingatlah Tuhan
Setiap satu pulang padaNya
So, here I am. I am alone in the house. Do I feel lonely? Surprisingly, I don't. First, I am reading this book by Martin Seligman, entitled Learned Optimism. A good book! It is related to his theory of learned helplessness. So, my mind is pretty occupied with the theory and whatnot.
Secondly, I took a break from my reading to check my FB. Saw my old roommate posted a message for me. Replied her message. Told her about the book. She seems surprise when I told her that reading the book is the way I de-stress myself. Huh?... I am getting used of reading academic related books even when I am relaxing. Yikes!!! Yeah. To some people, they might say, "Get a life!". Well, I choose that this is the life that I want to live for the time being. Like Yed said, read books! I am doing it, Yed.
Thirdly, the state of being alone has nothing to do with a state of feeling lonely. I do feel that sometime I feel lonely even though there are people around me. A kind of weird, huh? My state of feeling lonely has nothing to do with physical contact that I have with people around me. Sometime physical state does not "tell" the whole story.
The end.
*************************************************************************************
Today, my niece got engaged. Last May, her bro got married. Alhamdulillah, I am blessed with a mom who does not ask anything about the current state of my love life. Errmm... thinking back, when I was in Malaysia, I am pretty busy going places and meeting all sorts of people while doing my data collection. I never think that I will meet someone special at that time. The thing is, I don't. (I know, some of you silent readers might say, "What a shame!).
Even though, some of my relatives passed some unkind remarks about me being single and having my nephew to get married before me and whatnot, yet I find myself being less "expressive". What do I reply? I just smile. Hey, what more can I say? "Belum jodoh lagi", "Tak ada jumpa lagi orang yang sesuai".... arghh.... that are typical answers. Do I have to use such taglines? I choose not to use it. So, I just smile.
Met my best friends couples of times while in KL. At one time, the big bro was in Malaysia. She asked me if I still have feeling towards her big bro. Huh? Do I? What do you call if the person has no feeling what so ever? Now, my feeling towards him is neutral. No liking. No hates. Nothing. Errm... psychologically, can we have such feeling? Neutral feeling?
Thinking back, when it comes to friendship, we have such feeling towards our friends. We don't like or dislike them. Just the feeling of care, love or hate is not there. Regardless the time we might spend together for a long period of time might still lead to this feeling. Surprising? Errm... well, again there is nothing to be surprised about. So what should we do about it? Well, it is a matter of choice. We choose not to have whatever feeling towards others. We choose ourselves to feel lonely or not. People might say that we can't control our feeling. Is that so? Errmm... well, if we say so, then it is. Again, this is a choice.
I remember this saying from my coach.
Hidup ini banyak pilihan
Setiap pilihan kita yang punya
Membuat pilihan ingatlah Tuhan
Setiap satu pulang padaNya
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