A*** and A****** went to town around noon. They wanted me to join them. A****** found me asleep or catch a nap before zuhr. This summer, I think I don't have enough "beauty" sleep. Stay up until 12am (roughly for Isya') and wake up again around 3am for subuh. I don't stay up until subuh. Why? I just can't hold my eyes. Tried it once when I have my jet lag. Now, my biological clock has switched to UK time. Even though I sleep after I pray subh, yet at 6am, without fail, my eyes will wide open. Arghh... I am such a morning person.
So, here I am. I am alone in the house. Do I feel lonely? Surprisingly, I don't. First, I am reading this book by Martin Seligman, entitled Learned Optimism. A good book! It is related to his theory of learned helplessness. So, my mind is pretty occupied with the theory and whatnot.
Secondly, I took a break from my reading to check my FB. Saw my old roommate posted a message for me. Replied her message. Told her about the book. She seems surprise when I told her that reading the book is the way I de-stress myself. Huh?... I am getting used of reading academic related books even when I am relaxing. Yikes!!! Yeah. To some people, they might say, "Get a life!". Well, I choose that this is the life that I want to live for the time being. Like Yed said, read books! I am doing it, Yed.
Thirdly, the state of being alone has nothing to do with a state of feeling lonely. I do feel that sometime I feel lonely even though there are people around me. A kind of weird, huh? My state of feeling lonely has nothing to do with physical contact that I have with people around me. Sometime physical state does not "tell" the whole story.
The end.
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Today, my niece got engaged. Last May, her bro got married. Alhamdulillah, I am blessed with a mom who does not ask anything about the current state of my love life. Errmm... thinking back, when I was in Malaysia, I am pretty busy going places and meeting all sorts of people while doing my data collection. I never think that I will meet someone special at that time. The thing is, I don't. (I know, some of you silent readers might say, "What a shame!).
Even though, some of my relatives passed some unkind remarks about me being single and having my nephew to get married before me and whatnot, yet I find myself being less "expressive". What do I reply? I just smile. Hey, what more can I say? "Belum jodoh lagi", "Tak ada jumpa lagi orang yang sesuai".... arghh.... that are typical answers. Do I have to use such taglines? I choose not to use it. So, I just smile.
Met my best friends couples of times while in KL. At one time, the big bro was in Malaysia. She asked me if I still have feeling towards her big bro. Huh? Do I? What do you call if the person has no feeling what so ever? Now, my feeling towards him is neutral. No liking. No hates. Nothing. Errm... psychologically, can we have such feeling? Neutral feeling?
Thinking back, when it comes to friendship, we have such feeling towards our friends. We don't like or dislike them. Just the feeling of care, love or hate is not there. Regardless the time we might spend together for a long period of time might still lead to this feeling. Surprising? Errm... well, again there is nothing to be surprised about. So what should we do about it? Well, it is a matter of choice. We choose not to have whatever feeling towards others. We choose ourselves to feel lonely or not. People might say that we can't control our feeling. Is that so? Errmm... well, if we say so, then it is. Again, this is a choice.
I remember this saying from my coach.
Hidup ini banyak pilihan
Setiap pilihan kita yang punya
Membuat pilihan ingatlah Tuhan
Setiap satu pulang padaNya
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