Raya Haji

I have a guest from Bristol this raya. Last raya, I had guests from Malaysia. How time flies! It's been a year already.

Too bad that Kak N***** is not used to Durham's cold weather. Back in Bristol, it is not that cold, as she said. I am pity her and feel helpless when seeing her just laid down on the bed, coughing, sneezing... perhaps, it is not a good idea to come to Durham in autumn... not the best time to travel

Sent her off today. I have a supervision (that I just knew two days before the meeting) and thus, I need to finish certain things before I see Barbara. I went to school early today at 730am and dragged Kak N***** to go out with me too. She went to the train station by herself and I met her there at 920am, just 30 minutes or so before she catched the train to Bristol.

She is different. I notice it when we had a conversation about research and life in general. It seems like she has burnt out. She is lucky to have two shrinks as her "pom pom girls". Even though, both are guys, well, what a heck!

When I think back, we need true friend who will stay on our side, no matter what. I know that I am a bit harsh with her when I asked her about what she wants and expects from those two guys. Romantic relationship? Or like "big bro" kind of relationship like what Bro R**** and I have? I am lucky to have Bro R**** and Yed as my "pom pom girls". Even though, Yed hardly gave me any comforting words, yet, I am so used to his style and once a while, I "crave" for his harsh words.

This is what I got from Yed.

So you are feeling down and out in England. There is nothing wrong with feeling down occasionally and finding yourself lost when nothing seems to make sense. Welcome to the world. You must be daft to think that the world and life will make sense all the time, that you will not be visited by the pain of loss of dear and near ones. The loss of a parent is indeed a hefty blow and yet part of the natural course of life. I was in England when I heard of my father's death; it was sudden I didn't have the time to see him for the last time. Perhaps it was for the best. Now my last memory of him is how he looked the last time I saw him, healthy full of life and not someone dying. Don't be a spoilt brat and get on with your work like a mature person. Life will continue to throw wicked punches at you; you cant duck them all just have to learn to take them on the chin and go on living. Give your mind a rest for a while, read a novel or go on a walking trip; do something entirely different then go back to your data. and stay in touch.

WOW!!! I am happy when I read that. Surprise huh? Alhamdulillah. I have him to be there to kick some sense in me. His words are harsh. It is just what I need.

Met my SV today. She seems kind of surprise to see me doing ok and not morose as I should. I told her, things happen. It is hard to accept such loss yet I need to move on no matter what. I have new strategies. I will do my work slowly, continuously ... like the turtle, not the hare. What matter most now is, I finish my PhD on time without jeopardising my health (emotional, cognitive and physical health). Nothing else matters.