Had a flu, runny nose and cough.... can't sleep well at night... Yet, Alhamdulillah ... I really need a break after all the headache with data analysis and writing (rewriting) my annual progress report. One of my closest friends confided in me about her latest development in the Love Department. Gosh!! Being someone who never fall in love, always kena dump by guys and whatnot, I am not the right person to offer her any advice on this matter. Yet, she trust me on that matter. Whatever... I try my best then to search whatever theories that I have taught when I taught the class that the students nick as Kelas Psikologi Cinta. Well... don't get me wrong. There is no such thing as that. If you look at the syllabus, there is nothing directly pointed at that direction. Yet, since I am teaching a subject about human relationship (as if I have successfully applied all that!... duh... I will not be a single anymore I guess if I apply the theories religiously ...) she has this vision of me being the Tok Guru of Love....
Well, first of all, she is smitten with this guy. He is reserved, charming in his own technical way, direct and a bit malu-malu kucing despite his age. My friend and I are in our 30s so this guy is someone that we consider as Just Nice la for our age. Not that young, not that old and he is what I called as Ikan Paus. Ikan Paus? There are reasons behind it (why we have such terms as that). All in all, he seems the perfect guy for her. On top of that, her family is well acquainted with him. So, ok la kan. Yeah..... seems like that at first. With her uncertainties and continuous worries, it can be quite difficult to embark on a journey called To Be In Love.
The only advice that I can think of is, if he really means it, he will show. HOW? Aiyoo.. when it comes to how, it is hard to tell but we can know if we stay focused and be attentive (senang cerita jangan jadi buta dek cinta atau ayat - ayat cinta). When he msg her telling her about his daily routine and all, he is involving her with his life. A good sign. When he replies all her emails (although very short as compared to her lengthy emails), it shows that he cares and appreciates what she does and has done. I can't forget how she freaked out when he asked her to meet him before going back UK. hehehehehehe... panic kawan sekejap...
Luckily it is not a date. To her. The way I see it, it is a date. Formal date. In this case, it is too formal that it was being held in his office. Date ke macam tu?.... Ni date zaman moden ni. Public place might not be a wise choice as both of them hold certain position in the institution. Especially him. With a status like that, with a position like that, to go out and have a simple lunch will draw too much attention. So, to be on a safe side, it is set that they would meet in his office. To make things sooooo wayyy toooo formal, she recorded their conversation (urghh.... her instinct as a researcher is too much I think but it is a good idea... so dalam kerinduan ke apa, boleh dengar balik suara cik abang tercinta - that's what I told her).
Since we came back to UK last two weeks, they have been emailing each other almost every day. Yeah... orang tengah bercinta memang macam tu. Then, tup tup... I heard that they have started msg-ing... wah costly ... if they can afford it, why not kan? Still, despite all of these, she has the feeling of uncertainty and she does not like that. Well, to feel insecure or undcertain about certain things are quite normal. In fact, we have that in whatever things in our life. We are human after all. Lots of err and imperfections.
I told her this simple advice, "If he does not have the slightest intention to court you on a first place, he will not go all this way to impress you". When she play back what she has recorded, she noticed that he flirted with her several times and yet, she did not realize it when he flirted with her. Alamak, kakak... why la u don't flirt back? (Kalau aku dah lama aku flirt balik dengan dia).
I should give her the article by Robert Sternberg on a theory of love. Where did I put that? Darn... Perhaps she can see that all of these while, that guy is really into her.
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