One more phase

What is the cure of aging? Nothing. There is no way that we can stop the process. When it comes, no wonder magical elixir will work. I never thought that I will see my own father deteriorates as time passes by. Being far from home, it makes me sad with the fact that I can't see the changes with my own eyes.

It is hard. No doubt about that. YM with my mom and kakak just now. From kakak, I know that bapa is no longer as he is when I saw him via webcam on my birthday last year. It is just a month but seems that he deteriorates faster than I thought. Now, it is time for him to be bedridden. It is one of the things that I dreaded most. Kakak told me about this little incident last Friday. He wants to go to the mosque. Kakak against the idea. She knows too well that bapa is not fit to walk from the car park to enter the mosque. With the help of Abg Z**** and Abg M**, bapa went to the mosque. When he reached there, he asked Abg Z**** to bring him to a corner of the mosque. He wants to sit for awhile. When it's time for solat Jumaat, Abg Z**** left him to join the saff. Little that he expects to find bapa slumped on the floor after solat. It seems that the short walk really takes its tolls. With the help of few others, they helped him to the car. When they reached home, they brought him to his room. 10 minutes later on, Kakak checked on him. She found that he passed his bowel on the bed. Yup, terkincit lagi. He can barely move himself.

With mak, Kakak brought him to the toilet to wash himself. He was stubborn and asked Kakak to leave him to wash himself without anyone help. Mak was there. He cannot stand the fact that mak has to see him in that situation. Bapa is the traditional male malay kind of man.

I cannot control my tears from falling. This time around, I was thinking that how much time do I have to serve him and mak. I changed the topic to Boy's preparation for his wedding. My nephew is getting married in less than 6 months. The date is on 16 May. I asked Kakak if she wants to bring bapa to his akad nikah in KL. I told Kakak that bapa and mak can travel by plane (of course with me accompanying them and I will cover the expense. I can afford that). Kakak said that bapa is too fragile to travel that far even by plane.

I will be busied with the data collection and whatnot at that time. I don't know how I will cope with so many things have to be done at the same time.

Ya Allah, only You knows the best and from you I hope and ask for the best.

This is tough. Life is tough.