Just another week before my annual review

I will have my annual review on 5 March. At 3.30pm. My reviewers, both are Professors. One of them, Jim Ridgway is a Professor in Cognitive and Applied Psychology. The other one is Mike Fleming, the kind fellow who came once to the research room to ask me to attend a meeting with a university representative since there is no postgraduate student was around at that time (I was so ignorant when it comes to whatnot in school. Especially when I am doing my work, I am totally immersed myself with my work (mamat handsome lalu pun tak nampak - ruginya!). At that time, I didn't know that he hold some high position in the school. This mat salleh is so relax. Wearing sweater lusuh with jeans (which equally lusuh). Doesn't look like a Professor at all. Tu belum lagi my 2nd supervisor with his hugging t-shirt and pants. Adoi, ruginya dia tu gay! Kalau tidak, dah lama aku mengurat!

The scenario is totally different in Malaysia. The higher the position that one has in the faculty, the more stylo he or she is. Just a glance over the shoes (sebab tak berani nak pandang atas, jadi selalunya pandangan ini hanya akan tertumpu pada kaki mereka sahaja) you can guess what position that person has in the faculty.

Ops... got diverted to different issue here!

Come back to my annual review. I don't have any idea of what to present. Of course my supervisor has told me what are the expectations and whatnot. At that time, I didn't checked the education background of my reviewers. When I saw the title "Professor" in front of their names, I kind of freak out. I don't know what to expect.

Steve, aka my 2nd supervisor is also a Professor. He is so relax, cool, calm and collected. He is very sharp too. Just one sentence from me about statistical analysis, he can make a conclusion already. Amazing, isn't it? Supposedly, I have to meet Steve this week. Steve emailed me that he is not available this week. Adoi.... bila lagi nak jumpa dia?

So what to present to the persons who can always tell what are the conclusions of your presentation even by hearing one sentence from you?

I look at my slides. It seems does not make any sense. The more I have a look at it, the more confused I become. I have to admit, even though people may think that those who are doing their PhD must have IQ more than average, well, in my case, I am not one of them.

I don't know. I feel more stupid than before embarking myself in this journey.

Well, now at least I know that I am stupid. Alhamdulillah. I realise that I need to study smart and hard (double or triple times more). To take things for granted is not what I should do.

This is nothing ....

I finished editing my annual review report. Submitted to my supervisors. I refine my questionnaire again. Double check. Triple check. I have lost counting. I am mentally exhausted. Alhamdulillah. I am still alive!

I received a belated birthday card from Kak N*****. Although mistakenly wish me the 3* birthday, I was elated with the fact that she took all the trouble to send me a card even though it is long overdue.

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I was browsing Kak Raden's blog that I came across his blog. Ya Allah, I pray that he and his wife are given the strength to endure the challenges that You endow upon them. I can't help my tears from rolling.

Ya Allah, as compared to what I have as challenges, theirs are far more challenging.

I was numb. Speechless.

Does it make any sense?

I got B*****'s reply.

Yes, u are right for once...in this case alone.
I have a personal experience with a gifted person who appeared to have
some kind of deficiency/disorder .
He is very calculative and tend to give attention to details and he is
also very sensitive to his surroundings that he is able to detect
emotion change with the people around him. Yet, his deficiency is that
he likes to stare at people especially at their teeth to determine
whether they brush their teeth once, twice or more. His stare is
sometimes irritating but since he does it silently, not so many people
noticed it. I like him a lot. He is bright u know.

Gosh. I don't want to reply at first. Dah naik muak nak melayan dia meroyan. I was reading this book by Richard Feynman. One of my all time favorites: Surely you're joking, Mr Feynman?. Reading this book can always make my day. It gives me sense of nonsense-ness is a part of life.

So, this is what I replied

I am right in this case, alone? I dont think whatever I said need to be proven as right or wrong... do we have to make it as such?...

Intellectual argument does not necessarily right or wrong.... just like a flip of a coin... head or tail does not matter.... it is still a coin....

Gosh... since when an argument becomes a means to prove something as right or wrong???... An argument denotes possibilities of looking at a same thing from different angles.... Truth will be true no matter what... what is right will be right... and what is wrong will be wrong...

An argument will be an argument no matter how right or wrong or ridiculous it could be.... I see only examples and counterexamples .... just like a flip of a coin.... just sometimes, ones only see one side and it is quite a challenge to convince them to see the other side.... not to prove anything.... just to show that there is another side of a coin that worth to see...

Cheers!!!!

When I read again on what I have written, my goodness..... I never thought I am that critical! I sound like somebody that I know well. My ex-supervisor, Yed. Yed, you must be so proud of me. You have "created" the mini you, female version. Just you are far more critical and philosophical than me.

Ya Allah, Alhamdulillah, You Give me whatever I have now and don't have. I pray and seek Your Blessing that You will endow me with Barakah in anything and everything that I do every seconds of my life. Amin.

Negative vibes

So what's B***** reply? This is what he replied.

That still doesnt make them bright :)

What did I reply?

Too long. Today, my mood is very academic. Every thing coming out from my mind is value laden with technical stuff. So, my reply is this

Bright people might appear stupid to untrained lookers
And stupid people might appear bright to untrained lookers

So which is which?

This is just for the sake of sharing information. When it comes to giftedness (something I am researching now) apparently there are some characteristics of gifted and talented people have in common with people who have disorders such as psychosis or OCD - obsessive compulsive disorder. Such as intense drive or interest about something which could be misinterpreted as compulsion or obsession about something. To untrained lookers, they can't tell the difference. A combination of characteristics could be misleading to laypeople and non-expert. Having IQ more than 140 is one of the characteristics but any psychological testing or assessment could not be used as the sole indicator of identifying bright people. This is because there are other aspects of brightness or giftedness that cannot be discovered by IQ tests alone. Not only that, there are cases where gifted and talented people have also emotional/behavioral disorders such as dyslexia, autism or ADHD - attention deficit hyperactive disorder. So how do we catagorise them in this case? They are bright people yet having other disorders as well. (some of the references: Lovett, B. J. & Lewandowski, L. J. (2006) Gifted students with disabilities: Who are they? Journal of Learning Disabilities, 39 (6) 515-527, Thomas, M (2000) Albert Einstein and LD: An evaluation of the evidence. Journal of Learning Disabilities, 33 (2) 149-157)

Bright yet stupid? Stupid yet bright?

So which is which?

Since you adhere to the concept of simplicity, why don't you just accept bright people as they are? Even if you don't and can't understand them.

Bright people like any other people, have their flaws. Yet, can't judge them by their flaws and condemn them as stupid.

Ambik kau! Tu dia, dah keluar segala mala tok nenek punya jargon and terms! Complete with references. Rasa nak add je lagi "Stupid people like any other people, have their strengths. Yet, can't judge them as bright due to their strengths and applaud them as bright." Tapi kang perang dunia ke 3 pula dah nanti! Dia meroyan nanti. Tak kena nyaya bini dia nak kena layan meroyan dia?

Let's see what he will reply. I learn a lot from this. Male, they always want to show that they are superior in their intellect. To encounter with a female who is more intelligent and also opinionated due to the educational trainings that she received might be interpreted in many ways. Some male with inferiority complex: they simply will do whatever it takes to make sure that they are superior in their thoughts. Even though the argument seems to reveal their stupidity and ignorance about many things more.

Other male who are comfortable with their intellectual levels and confidence with themselves, they might feel flatter to encounter with females with brains. It is a rare opportunity to meet one. When I read Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan, most of the time, females are more intelligent than they appear to be but due to social constraint, they tend to behave as if they are not as intelligent as they are in actual sense. This is because society seems to "punish" females who are outstanding intellectually and appear to be knowledgeable than their males counterpart. This is ridiculous! Males and females should not be treated differently and they should express themselves according to their intellectual levels and be proud of it.

I sound very feminist in this sense. I don't want to be the 2nd Betty Friedan. Hahahahaha....

I always envision myself as the female version of Richard Feynman. I admire his care free thinking. His casual way of doing things even though he involved with complex things like the theory of quantum physic. I like to challenge other people mind on issues like giftedness. What's really make a person identified as gifted and talented? I want to make sure that Malaysians will have better conceptions of giftedness. Forget about social niceties. When it comes to anything related to giftedness, even though some might take it lightly, for me, it always mean business.

I don't want the future education system to produce shallow minded people like B***** and the like who look down on females just because they appear to be more intelligent than them. I will "mentally torture" my students who will be teachers so that they will influence their students mind in a right way. Don't be MCP - Male Chauvinist P**.

I want to attract people who fight for and uphold equality! Negative vibes? Be gone! Cheers!

Positive vibes.....

I always anxious when it comes to meeting my supervisors. With Steve, even though I know his sexual orientation, yet I always feel anxious like going for the first date every time I am meeting him. I know. Some might say "Ewwww" but in this sense, I just can't help myself from staring at his blue eyes. So cantik ok? (ayat Min suka guna).

With Barbara that I like to dub as my future MIL (for the fact that I could be her next DIL given the fact that she has an eligible son, *** studying PhD in Chemistry in Cambridge - Perasannya!!!!). So, how does it feel to meet your MIL for the first time? That's the feeling that I have every time I am meeting her.

I was reading this book, The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. It is like any other self-motivation book. The power of visualisation etc.

In Islam, we have similar concept. The power of Tawakal. Total submission of our destiny to Allah. Anyway, I am not going to elaborate on this thing.

What I did to prepare myself before going to meet my future MIL is, I visualised her welcoming me with her cheerful smile. After a while, I visualised her showing me anything that I need to edit in my report. I visualised myself having a good conversation with her. Guess what?

Every single thing that I visualised came true! A kind of spooky. It happened.

My next mission is to visualise the meeting that I will have with Steve next week. Ahhh.... I can see his extra neat room, his coats, extra ties hanging nicely on its place. The discussion will be great with lots of input from him. I visualise him telling me what statistical analysis that I could play around with as an alternative to factor analysis.

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S****** cried. Gosh, apa la minah Jepun ni menangiskan lagi hari ni? Detik hati. Remember Dja, positive vibes. Positive vibes. So I asked her, what's wrong? She replied that it has something to do with her work and social life. Apparently, she has this flatmate who likes to irritate her to the maximum. I see. That's the problems. Or should I say, the challenges.

Positive vibes. Positive vibes. I told her that she should not worry too much about it. People might irritate you ONLY if you let yourself to get irritated by them. Don't let yourself to be sad unnecessarily over small thing. Don't sweat over a small stuff.

Each of us have our own problem when it comes to research. No one is spared from not having any problem about their research. There are lots of glitches here and there. In a positive tone, I told her that perhaps what she needs is time to let the information, ideas to digest so that she can produce better work. (speaking of which, I am also in a state of never ending confusion that I just dont know when it will end). Talking to her is like talking to myself. Yeah, take it easy, Dja.

The problems that we have is just problems. It needs to be as a part of life as it spices up the life. Cheer up! Nothing is negative unless we think it otherwise. Nothing is difficult unless we think it otherwise.

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Received another email from B*****. Apparently, he is pissed of with my statement that he can't stand an opinionated educated woman as a reference to myself. I never thought that he will replied this

Dij,

my wife-to-be is an opinionated and educated woman by her own right. i
AM marrying her.
takda masalah pun.
i can stand and withstand any woman or any man whether they are bright or dim.

"Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you
hear them speak"

Tengok tu. Tu dia. Ayat garang dia.

It really makes my day. Previously, I will feel sad. This time around, it really makes my day. I feel happy, I sound chirpy and when I walked to see Barbara, I feel as if there are wings on my feet.

This is what I replied to B*****

All the best, B*****!

We hold different piece of a puzzle! Each fit for different set of puzzles. Cheers!

And I add this too (the blue wordings)

"Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you
hear them speak" ONLY if you listen and understand what they said well...

Let's see what will he reply tomorrow. Anyway, he can feel annoyed for all I care.

I am happy as I can be. I am grateful with what I have and not have. I am glad that I am still single. I think that to do a PhD and starting a family seems so surreal. Alhamdulillah, what Allah has predestined for me works well for me. Previously, I used to think otherwise and asked myself, why such things happened to me. It is not the right attitude. Ya Allah, please forgive me for being unconsciously ungrateful to You.

Alhamdulillah. There is not enough ways and means to say Thank You to You, Ya Allah. Alhamdulillah.

Whatever....

Whatever 1: I never know how this started. I find myself replying B*****'s emails on daily basis. Babe? What are you doing? No need to worry. It seems that we just exchanging few banters here and there from afar. Nothing much about it. I guess he can't have the same kind of bantering with his future wifey. As a replied to my previous email, B***** said that life could be simple if we want to understand it in a simple way. Like the enjoyment of eating. Typical answer of his. Yeah right. For that matter, he resorts to me to challenge his mind. What a complicated thing to do? I am complicated. He said that. Well, for goodness sake, why on earth does he come to me for such kind of bantering? Argh. Man. They can never be satisfied. They want some simple minded women as their wives (so that they can control them ... err their mind) and resort to complicated, intricate, challenging kind of women that they don't want to commit. Am I the other woman? Oh please. This cannot be true. I should stop this. His emails = whatever. His advancement = whatever. Whatever.

Whatever 2: I am panic. My supervisor hasn't give me any feedback. Argh. What should I do now? I need the ethic committee's approval before I go back. Should I just send the summary to Sheena? Argh. The hard part is, my supervisor is one of the ethic committee members. Does it mean that I can get the things done in a jiff? How far can I rely on her position to help me with this things? I know that I should trust her. Yet, I just want to make sure that I do things correctly. Whatever.

Whatever 3: Kak Yeo has been very kind and helpful to call the EPU and EPRD. Alhamdulillah, my application to the KPT seems has no problem. They are processing the application and I will get the feedback by latest in March. With the EPU things, it seems that the approval must come from the office of KSU. Ketua Setiausaha Unit. Too many layers of bureaucracy. Whatever.

Life is life. Sometimes what we should do is just shrug off our shoulders and just move on. And say "WHATEVER".

The pain ...

I ignore it at first. Jangan nak mengada. Sakit sikit pun tak boleh ke nak tahan? I woke up this morning with a throb on that part. What's wrong with me? I ignore it and try to distract myself by doing other things. Clean my room, throw the rubbish (I need to get the fresh air) and enjoy my cuppa tea.

Ya Allah, Alhamdulillah I am still alive. The pain reminds me that I am still alive and kicking!

I will have a full check up again when I am in Malaysia. I should go the panel clinic instead of going to UTM clinic. If it is a serious thing, at least I know that no one in the vicinity of UTM knows about it. I should not be a paranoid here. Oh come on. It could be nothing and I would waste my time to worry about nothing.

Is this the effect of stress related symptom that I have whenever I am stressed? Argh... It could be nothing that I shouldn't worry about.

Life is life. Sometimes it is not worth to worry too much about it or ourselves. After all, it could be nothing important. Just brush it off. Move on.

An idea for a research

I have submitted the research ethics to my supervisor. Hope that I can get whatever feedback from her.

So to chill out, I cooked lunch thinking that K** might come back for lunch before heading for the afternoon class. Msg-ed her. She replied that she has few articles to read and thus, she will stay in the library.

N** and A****** planned to take pictures near Palace Green. I don't feel like going out. I feel that my body has started to get warmer. Nak demam lagi ke? Better take a rest. Enjoying the snow from inside. Yeah. Like Steve said, the best thing to do when it's snowing is to enjoy it from inside where it's warm.

So, here I am blogging, fbooking and whatnot. I have to refine my questionnaire and prepare the slides for presentation in March. Yet, I want to take a break for couples of hours. My stomach feels uncomfortable. Stress related symptom. Alhamdulillah. Just the stomachache, not the vomiting.

While reading others' blogs and whatnot, I got this idea. It would be nice to know the personality of bloggers through their blogs. It might be an academic research. Perhaps, it could be a research for a PhD even! What a thought! It can be realised.

1) "Analysis" of the aesthetics part. Is it simple? What is the font(s) used? What are the colors? What are the pictures posted? The frequency of pictures posted?

2) "Analysis" of the themes. What are the themes of a blog? In other words, what are the topics that a writer wrote in his/her blog?

3) "Analysis" of the wording/sentences used in a blog. Does the writer use third person phrase?

4) "Analysis" of the frequency of blogging. Is it daily? Weekly? Monthly? Or does a writer only write something based on his/her mood? Or based on events that happen to him/her?

5) "Analysis" of the followers' comments. Is it general? Is it argumentative?

6) Lastly, perhaps each blogger will have to answer a personality test like Big 5 Personality Test, or MMPI. By doing so, an analysis of personality could be derived by comparing certain personality with patterns of blogging.

Wah, sounds so simple. I bet there must be some ardent bloggers out there, have thought the same way as I am. Perhaps, there is someone who already embarking in this journey. Yeah. Finding out the bloggers' patterns and personality. Ayy..

Life is fun. Life has lots of unexplored things even after so many things have been discovered. It seems there are lots of thing left undiscovered and waiting to be explored. Life is a never ending exploration. Explore it while we can!

Three days in a row...

It is my first time to write this blog three days in a row. Never did it before. It seems that I have lots of time on my hand but the thing is I feel suffocated. Suffocated with the things I have to do and am struggling to do it.

I just don't know. I feel that, I dont have the mental agility that I used to have. I know that I should "polish" up my mental agility and concentration. A simple task watching TV (trying to make sense of the Brits accent) seems so hard. Argh, I should be selective and only watch American programmes.

It was snowing for a very short while. After that, I saw few birds flying care freely from my window. Ahhh... The feeling of freedom is priceless. I took a few seconds to close my eyes and imagine myself as one of the birds. While doing that, I breath in slowly and enjoy the every air that fill in my lungs and breath out again. I feel more calm after that.

(The picture was taken during the last visit to Amsterdam in Dec 08)

I should stop now. I need to catch up doing things that I suppose to do.

1) Letters to Z*** and A***.
2) Complete the 2 pages ethic committee thing
3) QA refining

Just three things that I have to do for today.

Another glitch...

Life is never a smooth sailing journey. I checked my university email and just found out that the annual review will be held on 5 March. Tried to negotiate with my supervisor. It seems that she is tired of arranging and rearranging things for me and the department. I tried to call the Emirates office but failed to get them. I feel that I need to get a fresh air and thus, I went to their office in Newcastle airport. Got things settle and have to pay extra less than 100pound. Alhamdulillah. This is just a minor glitch.

Called Kak N***** and jokingly said to her that perhaps I should pay more zakat. I think I must with the fact that my salary has been increased since last year and the year before, I guess this is the sign that I must zakat more.

Ya Allah, I am grateful that You gives me hidayah to double check my life. How many times do we have the privilege to double check our life? Life is too short. Just a glitch like that, I can deal with it even though I feel a bit numb because I was a bit panic. It is just a matter of fight-or-flight situation. I flight this time. Finding solution that would please my supervisor. That's what important right now.

My best friend sent me emails - two days in a row. Apparently, something happened and she told me that I am pushing it too far this time around. Whatever! The thing is I have moved on. I really am. Whatever it is, I have my own stand. New stand. I know it might take her sometime to get used to the New me.

Life is about changing, adapting, adjusting and making choices. So long as I know what I am doing, do not do anything that against Islam, nothing else matters.

I am hurt

Hurt is not the "word". Perhaps I am a bit exaggerating here. Fbooking with my old university mates yesterday. One said something that really hurts. Ouch! I know that I don't deserve to be here and to have what I have now. Ya Allah, I am thankful with what You Gives and Does not Give for I believe that there are hikmah that I may not know.

It is sickening to have friends who like to hurt you in any possible way. Even I am so far from them, it seems there are always ways to hurt other people's feeling.

Talked with S***** last night. We realise that to be with people who support you unconditionally is important. Yeah. It is because they will provide the positive vibes that will make things better despite whatever "negative" situation we are in.

I don't want to be with people with negative vibes. It is tiring. It is taxing. It drains your positive moods.

Had a conversation with K** the last two nights ago. It makes me realise that to stay humble, stay positive and be kind to others will pay off sooner or later. I know that I am a bit an uptight person. Some said that I am a perfectionist. I am also an optimist. Given a chance, I will make sure that whatever I do is the best and even though I have to sacrifice to get the best, I am willing to sacrifice. No doubt about that.

Be far from my family makes me learn and appreciate more about the meaning of sacrifices. People make sacrifice in their lives. Sometime, they don't have any option. Most of the time, we choose what kind of sacrifices that worth to be made.

I know that losing a friend or two who are with negative vibes is one of the sacrifices that I have to make. For that, I am not afraid and will not regret of losing such friends.

I have changed and this time around, I am not afraid of losing to move forward in my life.

D*****, I am so sorry. You always look down on me since the university days. At that time, I feel inferior whenever I am with you. This time around, I choose not to let your negative vibes to influence me in any way. I am lucky to have what I have now. I don't regret of not having things that I don't have. Allah Blesses me with lots of things that fits for me. The blessings and challenges that I have to face are different from yours, yet it does not define the real me. You do not fit with the new me. I am sorry.

J**, I never know you that well back then when we were studying. I still remember the day I went to your room to discuss about the subject that you have taken with Dr Pute-Rahimah. I was scared that I could not "survive" in her class. I remember you telling me this "Dij, you are different. You will survive. I never did any research for the subject that I will take next semester. I never ask anyone about the subject they have taken, that I will take the next semester. You have done more even before you enter her class. You will "survive" her class. I bet that she would like you even. Don't worry too much. I know that you will make it". J**, thanks to you, I took two more classes with her. I did enjoy her classes. She is a real survivor. She taught me more than just what was being spelled out in the course description. She taught me about being a survivor. It is never enough to thank you, J**. You provide me with the positive vibes even before I join the class. Thank you.

What a revelation?....

As I read back all my entries in this particular blog, I realize that I am so shallow. Yeah. What I wrote is about ME, ME and ME. Sucks, isn't it? So self-centered.

When I first decided to have a blog, I want my blog to be an outlet to let my feelings and thoughts known to others, strangers or not. Wah. What a self-acclamation statement huh?

After a while, I think that this is not helping me to be a better person. Nor a better writer (errr... never be a good one in that sense).

From now onwards, what I will write will be less personal, more casual, general that can be considered as light reading with deep thoughts. Yeah.

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How to deal with the bureaucracy? Just do whatever you should do as according to their standard and requirements even though it is not clearly written in any Pekeliling or whatsoever. Learn to be a better reader - yeah the reader who can read well the in between lines. Life is demanding. No matter how we like to be direct and explicit about many things, still there are lots of things that are vague, implicit and ambiguous. The challenges are to be brave enough to "dig" the hidden parts of it, and to take risk of being everything. Everything? It is hard to satisfy others, let alone ourselves. What we can do is to strike a balance which is easy if we don't care much about others and ourselves. Yeah. The concept of Wasatiah. After all, in the end what really matter is Allah. How to please HIM at all time. It is not worth it if we lose Him for the sake of satisfying ourselves or others.

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This is about me

People ask me if I don't feel sad or heart broken upon hearing the news that B***** is getting married. For the umpteen times, I don't feel sad. I know it is weird. I feel relief and happy for him. After all, finally he will stop bugging me for one thing. Another thing is, it is clear that he has moved on. So do I. Thus, what's the point of being sad? I have moved on. Like what I said to S***** at the train station yesterday (using an analogy of a set of puzzles), I need different pieces to make my set complete. Only the one who holds the correct piece and thus will fit well with the other pieces are important. The ones who hold pieces from the old set, are no longer important in my life because the pieces that they hold do not fit with the latest set. Abg N**** holds a piece of the old set. Same like B*****. S***** asked me, what if one day Abg N***** changes his heart and perhaps he and I can have that special relationship? I said to her, unless he discards the old piece that he holds, I will not look back. He has changed. Physically. Mentally and emotionally? There is no way that I will know, for sure. For that matter, I will be me and he can be whoever he wants to be.

What's wrong with me?

I know that whatever I am doing is not ethical. Ya Allah, I am desperate here. Thinking back, I am reflecting myself as a supervisor and as a friend. What will I do if I am in that situation? Helping someone in dire strait is a noble act yet ethical boundary has to be observed. No matter what.

It is easier said than done though. Whatever it is, I have done my best and I don't know if it is worthwhile or not. That? I leave to Allah. Yeah, this is what Tawakkal is all about. Giving your very best, doing the very best and the rest you leave to Allah to reward you the best equivalent to your deeds.

The funny thing is I just realize that I booked the wrong ticket flight. Wrong date and Alhamdulillah I notice it while printing other things. Alhamdulillah. Allah Rewards me by showing my mistake now, than later. Just imagine what will happen to me when I find out later on the day itself!!! I might be stranded and have to buy another ticket which will cost me few hundreds pound. Although, I can't refund the ticket that I have bought, yet Alhamdulillah it does not cost me much. The amount is equivalent to a ticket bus from JB-KL. Alhamdulillah. I am thankful beyond words.

P.S: This is the yesterday entry which I save and then too lazy to complete it.
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I am lazy to create different page so, this is today's entry (4 February 09). I found out that B***** is getting married. Alhamdulillah. My first reaction is Alhamdulillah. I am so happy to hear the news. Finally, he is getting married. Perhaps he really thinks about all those things that I said to him last June that made him to decide this. Alhamdulillah. I prostrate to you Allah upon hearing this (sujud syukur).

I got a reply from the EPU webmaster and asked me that I should send another proposal and then send the MYKAD copy using PDF format. I tried to download the PDF converter on my laptop and failed to do so. I started calling here and there, msg-ing people all across the globe to help me to convert my words file into pdf. Alhamdulillah, managed to contact Kak A** in Bristol and managed to talk to N** and N** said that she will help me to convert the file for me. This is one of the panic stricken moments. Alhamdulillah. There is a solution to that. Alhamdulillah. I am glad that Allah Blesses me with solutions for every troubles and glitches that I stumble upon.

P** said that I am a bit hyper and she knows that when I am a bit hyper, things could be either good or bad. Well, this time around, I am a bit hyper in a good way. Hearing B***** will get married next month really makes my day. Alhamdulillah. I am thankful for this news. I did pray that he will get married when I went Umrah last year and thus forget about me all together. Alhamdulillah, it is being answered.

Life: The otherness of history will be there to challenge us no matter what. Success or failure is not something we can control. What we can do is: do the best, pray for the best and the rest totally are rested on Allah's Blessing and Mercy.

Ya Allah, no matter what happen, I pray that I will live and die with Iman and totally submit myself to You.