As I read back all my entries in this particular blog, I realize that I am so shallow. Yeah. What I wrote is about ME, ME and ME. Sucks, isn't it? So self-centered.
When I first decided to have a blog, I want my blog to be an outlet to let my feelings and thoughts known to others, strangers or not. Wah. What a self-acclamation statement huh?
After a while, I think that this is not helping me to be a better person. Nor a better writer (errr... never be a good one in that sense).
From now onwards, what I will write will be less personal, more casual, general that can be considered as light reading with deep thoughts. Yeah.
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How to deal with the bureaucracy? Just do whatever you should do as according to their standard and requirements even though it is not clearly written in any Pekeliling or whatsoever. Learn to be a better reader - yeah the reader who can read well the in between lines. Life is demanding. No matter how we like to be direct and explicit about many things, still there are lots of things that are vague, implicit and ambiguous. The challenges are to be brave enough to "dig" the hidden parts of it, and to take risk of being everything. Everything? It is hard to satisfy others, let alone ourselves. What we can do is to strike a balance which is easy if we don't care much about others and ourselves. Yeah. The concept of Wasatiah. After all, in the end what really matter is Allah. How to please HIM at all time. It is not worth it if we lose Him for the sake of satisfying ourselves or others.
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This is about me
People ask me if I don't feel sad or heart broken upon hearing the news that B***** is getting married. For the umpteen times, I don't feel sad. I know it is weird. I feel relief and happy for him. After all, finally he will stop bugging me for one thing. Another thing is, it is clear that he has moved on. So do I. Thus, what's the point of being sad? I have moved on. Like what I said to S***** at the train station yesterday (using an analogy of a set of puzzles), I need different pieces to make my set complete. Only the one who holds the correct piece and thus will fit well with the other pieces are important. The ones who hold pieces from the old set, are no longer important in my life because the pieces that they hold do not fit with the latest set. Abg N**** holds a piece of the old set. Same like B*****. S***** asked me, what if one day Abg N***** changes his heart and perhaps he and I can have that special relationship? I said to her, unless he discards the old piece that he holds, I will not look back. He has changed. Physically. Mentally and emotionally? There is no way that I will know, for sure. For that matter, I will be me and he can be whoever he wants to be.
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