I am hurt

Hurt is not the "word". Perhaps I am a bit exaggerating here. Fbooking with my old university mates yesterday. One said something that really hurts. Ouch! I know that I don't deserve to be here and to have what I have now. Ya Allah, I am thankful with what You Gives and Does not Give for I believe that there are hikmah that I may not know.

It is sickening to have friends who like to hurt you in any possible way. Even I am so far from them, it seems there are always ways to hurt other people's feeling.

Talked with S***** last night. We realise that to be with people who support you unconditionally is important. Yeah. It is because they will provide the positive vibes that will make things better despite whatever "negative" situation we are in.

I don't want to be with people with negative vibes. It is tiring. It is taxing. It drains your positive moods.

Had a conversation with K** the last two nights ago. It makes me realise that to stay humble, stay positive and be kind to others will pay off sooner or later. I know that I am a bit an uptight person. Some said that I am a perfectionist. I am also an optimist. Given a chance, I will make sure that whatever I do is the best and even though I have to sacrifice to get the best, I am willing to sacrifice. No doubt about that.

Be far from my family makes me learn and appreciate more about the meaning of sacrifices. People make sacrifice in their lives. Sometime, they don't have any option. Most of the time, we choose what kind of sacrifices that worth to be made.

I know that losing a friend or two who are with negative vibes is one of the sacrifices that I have to make. For that, I am not afraid and will not regret of losing such friends.

I have changed and this time around, I am not afraid of losing to move forward in my life.

D*****, I am so sorry. You always look down on me since the university days. At that time, I feel inferior whenever I am with you. This time around, I choose not to let your negative vibes to influence me in any way. I am lucky to have what I have now. I don't regret of not having things that I don't have. Allah Blesses me with lots of things that fits for me. The blessings and challenges that I have to face are different from yours, yet it does not define the real me. You do not fit with the new me. I am sorry.

J**, I never know you that well back then when we were studying. I still remember the day I went to your room to discuss about the subject that you have taken with Dr Pute-Rahimah. I was scared that I could not "survive" in her class. I remember you telling me this "Dij, you are different. You will survive. I never did any research for the subject that I will take next semester. I never ask anyone about the subject they have taken, that I will take the next semester. You have done more even before you enter her class. You will "survive" her class. I bet that she would like you even. Don't worry too much. I know that you will make it". J**, thanks to you, I took two more classes with her. I did enjoy her classes. She is a real survivor. She taught me more than just what was being spelled out in the course description. She taught me about being a survivor. It is never enough to thank you, J**. You provide me with the positive vibes even before I join the class. Thank you.